Sep 27, 2007
Pray for me please....
I am being totally vulnerable here, and laying my heart out to all of you. My friends and my family. I'm just having a really tough week, and I keep thinking next week will be better. And it just isn't. I've been more emotional this week and I think I've been in my entire life. I've cried more in front of people I don't even know than ever. I think I've always thought of myself as a strong person, fairly independent and able to handle things. But Satan is attacking me these past few weeks, and he is doing it in the form of my beautiful children that God has blessed me with. Satan knows where to strike me at and he is taking full advantage of it. My fear is that my kids are going to hate by the end of this deployment, especially my oldest, DJ. I hate myself these days for the way I react to them. I can get so angry in like 10.5 seconds it scares me. I don't even know where my anger comes from. I'm having a hard time with the boys listening to me. It's like Bruce has left and their ears went to Iraq with Daddy, because they don't even act like they hear me sometimes. And I just snap from complete calm to so angry and yelling at them. This is especially true when we get in the car, Satan loves to attack me and the boys when we are in the car and there is no where for us to run for cover. I know that this is a problem. And several of my friends helped me talk through some of this morning at PWOC but I'm just asking for prayer from you all too. I believe in the power of prayer, and through Christ all things are possible. I know this to be true, I just need to put this into practice and have faith that God will heal this relationship that I have with my sons. Thank you guys, I love you all!!!!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
8 comments:
Oh, Marti...we love you so much and I am so sorry that you are going through such a rough time. It is good that you recognize that Satan knows where to attack you...he knows us so much better than I think we like to believe sometimes. He truly does know our weaknesses.
I want you to know that I do pray for you regularly and will continue to keep you in my prayers. I am, and we all are, so blessed to know you and to call you a friend.
Krystin
Hang in there little sis....
I would love to say this will be the last hard day that you have...but I think we both know that isn't true. Just know, when you are down, that there are people who have you in their prayers, in their hearts, and in their thoughts. If you remember that, you will never be truely alone while Bruce is gone. If you need a break...send those little guys to our house...I love to yell...
Love ya, Jon
Marti, I believe in the power of prayer too and will be praying for you. I already have been when I think about you throughout the day. I go through something similar when Wade is in tax season. I feel a lot of stress on me and lose my patience quicker than I should. There have been several times when I had to get down and hug the kids and ask them to forgive mommy and to please help me during that time. It helps I think when you show them you are human and need help from them. Maybe write out some verses on index cards to help you fight Satan and put them around your house and in the car. Seriously, Marti, there's another sista in TN (besides Patty) praying for you - know that!!! ((HUGS))
(((Hugs))) Marti. You and the boys will be in my thoughts and prayers.
My husband has to leave periodically for a week, sometimes 2 at a time. I have 2 boy, ages 5 and 3 and it does seem that the listening ears at times can "go with daddy on his trip" as you say. From what I hear from Patty you are a wonderful mother. Don't let the enemy fool you into thinking that you are not a good mother because you get frustrated with them. It's easy to do when you are tired and weighed down with other emotions...and who wouldn't be with their husband in Iraq and on mommy duty 24/7? About two weeks ago I was mad at the world, cried about everything and yelled at my own kids. I had to do what Leslie said , get down , hug them , say I'm sorry, and ask the Lord to help me correct them in love and keep it separate from how I'm feeling at the time. ( It's not easy , is it?)Just remind the enemy of God's promise when he gets to you like " I will never leave you are forsake you", "The joy of the Lord is my strength", "Faithful is he that calls you who also will do it!" ( That includes getting strength to be a mommy of your kids while you husband is away". "They that wait on the Lord will( not might) renew their strength,", etc,etc.
I read your blogs and the comments and you are so blessed with good friends with sounds , Godly wisdom. How wonderful.
Praying you have a weeks full of blessing with those boys!
Love you and remember the long phone calls when we talked for hours just so we wouldn't yell at them, call me!!!!
You aren't the only one with tis problem - I can relate. we screw up and we just have to try again. I'm so glad you feel comfortable enough to talk about it. Any time you need me i'm here to watch the boys or just hang.
Marti...I just want to hug you right now. I've read every post on the home page of your blog and want you to know to keep pushing on! Love you!
Post a Comment